Trust.
Chaos.
Overthinking.
Family.
Homesick.
The Unknown.
My Own Business.
New Job. Same Job. No Job.
Risks.
Just Jump.
Over the last handful of years I have moved, and explored new places.
For me I would get those little highs, and the little anxieties, from all the new-ness.
I have met new people along the way, explored new places, tried new things, and even brought back in some hobbies/activities I used to do when I was a teenager/kid. Remembering to appreciate each moment of this life. Remembering to be grateful for everything around me.
Every time I leave home, I have done it because I wanted to see what more there was or what more there could be (Trust me I am not some world traveler but I have certainly experienced a great deal on the road and in life these last four/five years).
I wanted to know what more was out there from my little hometown. A place where I needed to step out of to experience more life and grow. My family (Gus and Apollo included) is what I love most in this world. I am always asked each time I leave if I will be homesick and I try not to think about it. I think for me I needed these experiences outside away from them to fully understand parts of me that I had spent so long trying to shut down, forget and bury.
This last experience wasn’t about me. I mean it was about me, I made the choice and moved. This move was different though; even though I knew it wasn’t going to be a long time. Well scratch that, I knew it had a time frame. Before I moved I had been going back in forth with a decision and going over everything I wanted in my head. I needed to figure out one last part of it before finalizing it, I guess.
Lately I have been having some heavy moments. A few moments where I have seen actions that leave me second guessing a lot around me, actions that make me rethink a few decisions I was in-between on.
This past month, I have sort of been just sitting in my anxiety flare ups, the discomforts, the overthinking, and exhausting myself; honestly, I was battling myself and my mind because I needed to make a decision that was for me and only me. In the last week a lot has changed. And then again in the last 48 hours, a lot was changed for me.
My next steps forward will be interesting as I go FULL IN to trusting the process.
I am writing more, I am speaking up more. I am listening more. I am letting go of more.
In my brain on repeat, these last ten years has been the same thing,
Life is short
Don’t be afraid to explore life.
Enjoy your life (through it all).
Always be kind. But also stand up for yourself.
Be love. Give Love.
Be grateful.
It doesn’t matter what my circumstances are, if I have everything or if I have nothing at all, I will always remain grateful for the ability to experience life and to simply be here.
Some Journal moments:
Truth Always. “It is synonymous with honest communication, authentic connection, personal power, boundaries, and love.”
When your smile fades from your face, what do you do…
I sit there for a moment and I think about all I am grateful for in this life.
[love your journey]